A question of confidence

If you are a follower of this blog you will know that in 2008 I was made redundant twice, making a total of four times I've been made redundant in my working life. The big difference was that when it happened on 26th June 2008 it took 6 months to get a job offer and 7 months to get back into work.

And while on the "jobless/jobseekers list" (you can't call it "the dole" now I ot beat up bad after a night out. I didn't even know I was in a fight until I'd been thumped 3 times just above the temple on the left hand side of my head. Al because ayob decided he wanted the taxi cab I'd phoned for and ordered.

The upshot of these events is that I, someone who has never been short of confidence and with an ego the size of Essex now find myself always doubting myself, my actions and my abilities. I get flashbacks to the thumping that I took that night and I have a constant fear of again loosing my job.

What do I do? I have to earn a living, but every day all I want to just ride my motorbike. Where? Anywhere. I ride my motorbike to work as much as possible simply because I find it theraputic. Riding down to see Dad today meant I did 2 normal days riding in one day (125 miles). But I know I'm being less sociable and more reclusive now than at any other time in my life, and I'm sure that's not the best solution for me, my employer/employment or my family.

I've been depressed before, and this isn't that - it's different, frightening in a way. I recognised the depression and handled it. I'm not sure I can handle this but I have to try to do so.

Respite for Mum & Dad both

Saturday Dad was collected and transported by Phoenix private ambulance to the Helen Lay Centre near Leamington Spa, Mum & I followed him down (I drove) and Mum checked him in. After work today I rode down on the bike and paid him a quick visit, just to make sure he was settled in OK and to drop off a charger for his mobile phone. He's well and happy. Now we just have to get mother to get some rest and recharge her batteries.

World Habitat Day

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What sort of world do we live in?

Two news stories today...

The first - a mother is convicted of stabbing her 2 daughters to death to "get at" the father - her ex-husband.

The second - a man is convicted of breaking of breaking the legs of a 4 year old girl in his care beacuse she kept crying - crying because he was hurting her.

What sickos share this world I live in?

Say aahhhh!

What's the most common response to seeing a diddy little kitten? One so small he can sit in you hand.

Ah! Isn't he sweet....

So that's all I'm hearing right now as Charlie has been added to the family fold.

Falling apart at the seams

This last week has seen me take a couple of days sick, my first since joining Fidelity. I went into work on Wednesday despite a sore throat but Thursday morning I woke to find it was much worse and my voice had gone AWOL. Not much point going in when you can't function - so popped them an email and hopefully I'll be back in tomorrow (Monday) because goodness knows, I've enough work on my plate right now.

I tried to get to see my GP, but was told to "go away and we'll get the nurse to phone you". I'm into the car and on my way back home when the mobile rings - less than 2 minutes after being told to "go away" the nurse is on my case. I'm told to take paracetamol, drink lots and rest, and if there's no improvement come into surgery tomorrow. So Friday morning I get an appointment for 9:10 to see Dr Spincer - a good "old school" GP. He checks me over, notices I'd already had one high blood pressure test reading so does another test and I'm now on Beta Blockers for high blood pressure. All part of being a diabetic I'm told. The results of my last retina check-up were not on file so he's going to chase it up and I've to go back next month to find out the news.

Mark & Eleanor spent last Monday - Friday in Barcelona, 4 days & nights site seeing and relaxing prior to restarting their final year at university. Mark's results see him on course for a 1st, and Eleanor is 4% away from a 1st for herself, which she's finding unbelievable, she's not used to having results at that level. That's just reward for the effort she's putting in so we all hope she can maintain it through this last year.

Andy took the first exam in the series towards his Senior Technician's ticket following a couple of weeks at BMW's college during August - and was classified as "Mastered" with 80% on all sections - so he's mightily pleased and ready for the next stage. Right now he's busy fitting some really special Alpine SPX-17REF speakers into his Civic Type R. Although they are available here in the UK he imported them from America and made a 30% saving.

Earlier this afternoon I visited Mum & Dad. They've had a bit of a week, with a trip to the hospital on Tuesday for Dad to have a check over. Transport is by ambulance, so they get collected, get seen, then spend 3 hours waiting for a return ambulance - 4 hours in the hospital for a 15 minute consultation, seems bonkers to me but there you go. Mum was very tired mid-week but she seems better today. Wednesday they had to have the District Nurse out to a problem with Dad's catheter, right when mum was at her most fraught.

Dad's off to Helen Lay for 2 weeks respite on the last weekend of the month and Mum so needs the rest that will give her, a chance to recharge her batteries prior to the run down to Christmas. I don't know if they will be, but I'm hoping Angie & John will be up to see Mum while Dad is in Helen Lay, especially as John now has a rather nice Ford Focus estate.

Bankers Bonuses

Back on Sept 1st the FT carried an interview with Prime Minister Gordon Brown in which good old GB vows to crack down on excessive pay for bankers. "We have to move faster" he said, referring to regulatory restructuring efforts that would allow regulators to claw back bankers' pay if performance subsequently suffered and set higher capital standards for banks.

Now here's my point - it's been nearly a year now since the global econimies went into melt down and trillions of GBP & USD were pumped into failing banks - so why is he NOW saying "We have to move faster"? Surely it's already too slow and too late. Big bonus payments are back and everything is returning to how they were before it all went bang, which means it'll happen AGAIN!

This week's news is that while the rest of the world recovers, and despite GB's promise that "Britain is well placed to make a quick recovery (from recession)" - we find that Britain is still deeper in recession than just about every other economy, with more debt and a government that hasn't got a single idea how to put things right. They are completely devoid of solutions beyond raising duty on fuel and slashing the NHS staffing levels.

I just hope the Great British Public vote labour into oblivion when the opportunity presents itself.