If you are a follower of this blog you will know that in 2008 I was made redundant twice, making a total of four times I've been made redundant in my working life. The big difference was that when it happened on 26th June 2008 it took 6 months to get a job offer and 7 months to get back into work.
And while on the "jobless/jobseekers list" (you can't call it "the dole" now I ot beat up bad after a night out. I didn't even know I was in a fight until I'd been thumped 3 times just above the temple on the left hand side of my head. Al because ayob decided he wanted the taxi cab I'd phoned for and ordered.
The upshot of these events is that I, someone who has never been short of confidence and with an ego the size of Essex now find myself always doubting myself, my actions and my abilities. I get flashbacks to the thumping that I took that night and I have a constant fear of again loosing my job.
What do I do? I have to earn a living, but every day all I want to just ride my motorbike. Where? Anywhere. I ride my motorbike to work as much as possible simply because I find it theraputic. Riding down to see Dad today meant I did 2 normal days riding in one day (125 miles). But I know I'm being less sociable and more reclusive now than at any other time in my life, and I'm sure that's not the best solution for me, my employer/employment or my family.
I've been depressed before, and this isn't that - it's different, frightening in a way. I recognised the depression and handled it. I'm not sure I can handle this but I have to try to do so.
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