The cycle of life

It's not good , but, that's life. Dad is going down hill and it looks very much as if he is coming to the end of his journey through Multiple Sclerosis. From diagnosis we were told the best he could expect was 30 years assuming that it ran it's course and wasn't accelerated in any way. And that is where he's at.

Recently he has had a trip into A&E because of a chest problem, but was sent back to the nursing home after a few days. Since then he has been moved onto liquid medication because his mouth is constantly sore and painful, making the tablet form hard to take. These last few days he has been on liquid foods as well, and liquid food supplements but he is starting to refuse to take them because he doesn't like the taste.

Visiting him is painful. Much of the time he no longer recognises us when we visit. Rarely acknowledges that we are there and his talking is stinted and muted, a whisper at best and rarely coherent.

And it is affecting us all. Andy was especially close to his granddad and he is taking it the hardest. Mother has had no other man in her life since she was 16. He is still (and always will be) my father. But he is not the man we all know/knew and love/loved. A shadow of his former self it is pitying to see him just lying there in his bed. We try and ensure that classical music is playing for as much of the time as possible, he has always enjoyed it and we have to assume he still does.

The nursing home are doing as much as they can with their limited resources to make him comfortable. Some of the young staff are going out of their way to give him their time. He started his time there as such a happy, forever smiling, person and they have watched his condition deteriorate. It affects them too. He is not their father or relative but they feel for him and us.

Then somebody has to tell the rest of the family - give them an update on how father is and what is / is not happening. So that'll be me then. Last night I phoned his younger brother and elder sister (but not his eldest sister, as she is away with the birds too). Let me just say that I have had nicer calls to make. I try and stay detatched, realistic and matter of fact about it (it helps me to cope) but it isn't easy - he is my dad.

None of us know how long our time will be here on earth. We still don't know how long Arthur will be with us. But what we do know is that his time is drawing to a closure. His journey is ending. He will be missed.

But life goes on....